More Important Than That

I was challenged and convicted tonight as we sat together and spoke of the man who wanted Jesus to wait for him to go and bury his father before leaving to follow him. (Matt. 8:21,22) Jesus' response? Follow me, let the dead bury the dead. The implications of this really hit me hard. Ever since Katie died, closure has been an absolute necessity for me.

The last time I saw Katie was Friday morning, January 31, 2003... She died the next morning in a climbing accident. I never saw her again. Because she was alive the last time I saw her, I spent the next month waiting for her to walk around the corner or come out of her dorm... Every tall brunette with a blue jean jacket was Katie. Every time I heard her name, my heart jumped as I turned around to look for her, and it broke all over again as I realized once again that she was gone. I don't remember how long it took me to get past looking for her everywhere I went or to stop waiting for her to appear. But ever since then, closure has been a necessity.

When I think of Jesus telling this man to follow him and not go to bury his father, my heart breaks for the man... It doesn't seem fair. He would have to leave his mother or any other family, not go to his father's funeral, and follow Christ... It wasn't like Christ waited for the man's response, and then pulling him aside he tells him to go and bury his father, that he would wait for him. No, he said follow me... let the dead bury the dead. Here Jesus is saying "I am more important than that. Follow me." ...I am more important than your father, more important than your family, more important than your desires, more important than life itself... follow me.

I am convicted. I am ashamed. I long to love Christ like that... to leave all and follow him. To just lay it down... to believe in something so much that nothing else in life matters. Lord, please help my unbelief!

Trusting with My Eyes Closed

If I could for just a few minutes have an end to this relentless thing...
This trusting with my eyes closed
Maybe then I could see a little more clearly

If I could only take a breath without gasping for the next
Without stopping to catch my breath
Maybe then I could raise my eyes to the heavens

If I could only pray without fighting through the fog
The neverending, ceaseless fog
Maybe then I could also know you're near me

If I keep pushing, trudging, and make it through the day
What will the next day hold?
Will this one be the same as the next?

This thing... the thing I call trusting with my eyes closed
Breathing with my eyes closed
Walking with my eyes closed
Did you know that it would be this way?

If I know you... and I believe that I do
Then I know that you've got me in your hand
If I've caught a glimpse of you... and I believe that I have
Then I know that you've caught a glimpse of me too

So much more than a glimpse into the depths of my heart
Into the valleys of my soul
Into the emptiness, the wasteland

If you see me here... and I know that you do
Won't you give me relief?
If you are holding me here... and I know that you are
Won't you let me rest in your arms?

If I could for just a few minutes have an end to this relentless thing...
This trusting with my eyes closed
Maybe then I could follow a little more near