I've been really pensive lately as school has been out for a month. I have had a lot of time to just slow down and relax. It has been a time of reevaluating life and searching.
I hope every young adult goes through times like these. After we graduate college and go off into the real world and get a real job, it is kind of a shock to the system. There are times that I wish I could go back to school and be with my friends for just a little while... Midnight Oil, nertz, ultimate frisbee, Gilmore Girl marathons; you name it, I have missed it.
I look around here and see all these new things that God has brough into my life, and I'm still wondering why. Right now, though, it's not so much the "why?" but the "what am i supposed to do with all of this?" I just want to make sense of it all. It was especially hard to come back after being in Mexico for a week. There's something about going to Monterrey, as I have for the past 3 summers, and being with those people. They really live life. Some of them have next to nothing, but they would still give you the clothes off their back. I think that's why I miss it so much is because to them it's all about relationships and people. I long to have a heart like they do. I long to give like they do and love like they do - purely and unconditionally and expecting nothing in return. Passion. They live with passion. I want that. I want to love with passion, pray with passion, live with passion. Sometimes I look around me and just want to scream at the top of my lungs... Wake up! Just wake up and open your eyes! Live life, appreciate the people around you! Just make an effort to do something that for once has nothing to do with yourself that will bless someone else. This is what I long for... this unbridled, untamed love that Christ loves us with. If I could just learn to love like He does... maybe then life would make more sense. Or maybe it wouldn't matter that it didn't.
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