The Power of Contentment

Ever since I moved out on my own, states away from my family, I've only had jobs as a barista, server, or kitchen assistant. You know, the ones for which I spend four years in college studying Spanish. Sometimes it's been really hard to make ends meet and get bills paid on time. My church has been amazing and has helped me through most of those times, and so through these past few years I have learned about grace and receiving with thankfulness despite my strong desire to be self-sufficient and pay back the money. However, according to my pastor, grace is grace and mercy is mercy and they cannot be paid back. They are gifts freely given, undeserved, yet unconditional. Each act of mercy from my church is truly humbling and reminds me over and over how Christ called us to care for one another.

Currently I'm a server at a small Mexican restaurant, the best in town. I now understand what it feels like to live off tips. Living off others' generosity is a really difficult thing sometimes. When the restaurant is slow, I don't take home much tip money and I become anxious. How will I pay my bills? How will I pay rent? How will I put gas in my car or buy Luna's food? And the knots in my stomach and back grow larger as worry creates more worry and the endless cycle begins.

I realized the other night that it's really just a matter of perspective. I can either look at it as slow business, bad tips or job security in a lousy economy. People have to eat, and people like Mexican. So as long as I do my job well, I will have work and some sort of paycheck, no matter how small.

My prayer has changed from "Lord let them leave me at least 20% or more" to "please help me to be content with where you have placed me and what you provide for me." It's not an easy request. It's so much easier to worry and be anxious, but we were commanded not to be. "Do not be anxious and worry for nothing."

I have noticed a small shift in perspective. Although I still hope for big, fat tips, I hope more for the peace of mind that He will provide. It's a daily battle because the bills and deadlines are still there. But so is He.