Pre-Kenya 2007
Lonliness has been a lifelong companion in some form or fashion, some times worse than others, and sometimes I've strangely prefered it to being surrounded by people. I think now is one of those times. Getting ready to leave has been incredibly difficult and had I known how hard the road would have been before ever getting out of the country, I don't know if I would have chosen to go this way.
I have never been so scared in my life of what tomorrow holds as I am now. And the thing is that there's no one around to talk to. Summer sends people in every opposite direction and its like we all temporarily lose contact with eachother. Not my favorite thing in the world. And so here I am, homeless, working a part time job that doesn't cover what I need it to, and an unearthly desire to just pack it up and leave.
I tried explaining to a friend of mine the other day why I don't want to be here in the States, and he just could not understand. It's like something engrained in the very fiber of who I am... this great country may be my country, my home, ..but its not where I belong. Truth be told, I belong in heaven, so I forsee a constant battle between this land and me. But the only thing that has eased the ache to go home is when I get to give up thinking about myself and all that entails to spend my time in service of another.
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